28th September

Cancer.
An extra family limb
of unsurpassable weight
that we drag around.
Turns dreams to nightmares.
Holidays to wanna-go-homes.
Food to unfanciable.
The future to unforgivable.

Its mass grows
and grows.
Casts a shadow
over everything.

How can I see your smile and the fact that you got out of bed today when I miss your hair and your weight and your ability to walk and run and dance on stage?

A black cloud
that swells and swells,
devouring us.
Every thought.
Its poison
pouring into every gap,
our mouths, noses, ears,
suffocating.

Taking over your beloved body as though it’s the host and you’re merely there at the edges.

I’m angry. So. Fucking. Angry.

My mind’s resting place is now your sunken face, the skin hanging off the bone of your arm, the way your shoulders hunch when it makes you sick.

How can I not lose my temper when I see it killing you?

HOW CAN I NOT WANT TO KILL THIS WHOLE FUCKING WORLD AND LIFE when it’s killing you?
Life for your life.

You told me, as always, to have sweet dreams tonight. I could laugh like a hyena. Sweet dreams of what? The strawberry milkshake I shouted at you about?

You weaken.
And I am weakened.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: