20th November

In the white cotton sheeted bed. A hibernating beast haunting the middle of nights, stretching his eyes to unnatural places, mangling his face, contorting his sharp bones, and making the two of us whisper as he shakes, 'Relax daddy, you're OK daddy' just in case he recognises our voices as we stroke his arm and... Continue Reading →

10th October

You ever seen someone who can't sleep? Who tosses and turns and tosses. Their body like an emaciated eight year old. Gaze. See how they wriggle. One long thick vein following the twig-like arm to a huge hand. A hand made for cooking and holding. The blanket is thick with a lion on front. Stare.... Continue Reading →

28th September

Cancer. An extra family limb of unsurpassable weight that we drag around. Turns dreams to nightmares. Holidays to wanna-go-homes. Food to unfanciable. The future to unforgivable. Its mass grows and grows. Casts a shadow over everything. How can I see your smile and the fact that you got out of bed today when I miss... Continue Reading →

22nd August 2019

Nan, Before you got confused and covered your nose with red lipstick, you were glamorous. On a Saturday night when I was little and Blind Date was on, you would stand in front the mirror in the center of the living room and shroud yourself in a mist of potent perfume, then Blind Date would... Continue Reading →

5th August

She is old, frail, can't string a sentence together. She doesn't recognise me. I read her stories - she used to read them to me -, about a gypsy girl who keeps saying "I don't belong here". I feel guilty. She sleeps. I hope my voice is comfort to her, on some level, while she's... Continue Reading →

20th July 2019

This week we shaved your hair. It dropped, we collected dreadlocks. You selected. Thick, thin, those divided into two or three at the bottom and chose between us who would bequeath. Some of us weaved it into ours. I cursed my hair for the millionth time for being so white, so white it wouldn't clutch... Continue Reading →

5am 26th April 2019

In the witching hour when all is dark and still I come to believe my heart is a pin cushion. The pins are X-rays, doctors' words, nurses' faces full of pity, MacMillan leaflets, statistics, paracetamol, naproxen, morphine, fentanyl, "therapy" - radio radio radio chemo chemo chemo clinical trials. Spread. Spread. Spread. They should have should... Continue Reading →

28th March 2014 (Throwback Thursday)

If I could collect each tear from across the years that were spilled due to drugs devilish deal since childhood and drop them in the ocean I'd start a tidal wave of purely sweet emotion, wash away the victims' pain, annihilate the makers' gain and of course, refill, all the other hearts that were drained.

14th March 2019

The snake wraps around the grooves of my brain, the ventricles of my heart, constricts my lungs, flips my tummy with flicking tongue. Most active in the early hours. I obsess, (stop thinking, oops, I'm off again) over him needing salad. If I could I'd eat elephant-sized iceberg lettuces everyday for his nutrient-craving body. The... Continue Reading →

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