In the white cotton sheeted bed. A hibernating beast haunting the middle of nights, stretching his eyes to unnatural places, mangling his face, contorting his sharp bones, and making the two of us whisper as he shakes, 'Relax daddy, you're OK daddy' just in case he recognises our voices as we stroke his arm and... Continue Reading →
You ever seen someone who can't sleep? Who tosses and turns and tosses. Their body like an emaciated eight year old. Gaze. See how they wriggle. One long thick vein following the twig-like arm to a huge hand. A hand made for cooking and holding. The blanket is thick with a lion on front. Stare.... Continue Reading →
Cancer. An extra family limb of unsurpassable weight that we drag around. Turns dreams to nightmares. Holidays to wanna-go-homes. Food to unfanciable. The future to unforgivable. Its mass grows and grows. Casts a shadow over everything. How can I see your smile and the fact that you got out of bed today when I miss... Continue Reading →
She is old, frail, can't string a sentence together. She doesn't recognise me. I read her stories - she used to read them to me -, about a gypsy girl who keeps saying "I don't belong here". I feel guilty. She sleeps. I hope my voice is comfort to her, on some level, while she's... Continue Reading →
In the witching hour when all is dark and still I come to believe my heart is a pin cushion. The pins are X-rays, doctors' words, nurses' faces full of pity, MacMillan leaflets, statistics, paracetamol, naproxen, morphine, fentanyl, "therapy" - radio radio radio chemo chemo chemo clinical trials. Spread. Spread. Spread. They should have should... Continue Reading →
She realised she must be grateful for fucked up shit. They were still alive. Impossible thought! But in the early morning, she felt a new day. Blessing. The smell of onions on her washed hands was life now. They cooked together. Some days they chanted, cross-legged, closed-eyes, holding hands. Other days he'd walk. Deep breaths.... Continue Reading →
I wake in the night, petrified. Fear surrounds, drowns from the inside, out. Your presence blinds my courage with your invisible mutation. It weakens my spirit. You are constant.
She wants to freeze time. Ask fate to be kind and grant more moments for them to just sit together. Hypothetical torture: questions of, "if in the past she'd done this" butcher her thoughts. Blame is dry sand - tangible, but impossible to hand. Tears replace faith and prayers. For now, she likes to touch... Continue Reading →